African Engagements

I wanted to congratulate my friend Monica on her engagement to Katende and to wish them well as they have their engagement celebration this weekend, which I will miss as I am not in the country. I'm also going to miss it because, as several of my African friends have shared with me, it's an interesting cultural experience. Both Monica and my friend Sine have explained that when a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage, 1) he's not really asking her - he's asking her family. And so this man must be prepared to exercise a great deal of persistence because the family may try to scare him away. They ask invasive questions about his family, his education, his earning potential, his previous relationships, ... basically anything they want. They send him away several times, in part to see if he will persist and come back and continue to ask for this woman's hand in marriage. They may insult him and his family (even in the presence of his family members) ... but in the end if he's still around (and can pay the dowry price :) then the couple can wed. Well, to hear Sine and Monica describe this process, it can sound horrible, but last Sunday I actually got to see a preview and its actually a very comical and entertaining thing. So, here's how it happened.

I went to this Anglican church, and this couple stood up because they were engaged and soon to be married. The pastor announced their engagement and then asked if anyone knew of any reason that they should not wed? Of course, no one said anything, and I expected that the couple would then sit back down, but the pastor proceeded to probe further ...

"Does anyone know of any reason this couple shouldn't be married? ... any reason at all ... People should feel free to voice any concerns that they have, any concerns at all .... Does anyone know of any mental disabilities that either of these young people suffer from such that they are not in the right frame of mind to marry? ... or does anyone here know if either of them is already married ... or if this man is a womanizer ... or if this woman is no good ... or if they're not physically able to marry ... and on and on and on it went. To make it more embarrassing for the couple, the pastor frequently paused to give anyone an opportunity to speak, and also to give the congregation a chance to chuckle :) so the entire congregation was having a good time ribbing this couple and it was sort of like at any moment, someone might jump up and air all your dirty laundry :)

So I'm sorry that I'm going to miss Katende and Monica's ribbing, but I wish them the best and look forward to the wedding. Congratulations :)